The Semiotics of Mexican Christening Parties

My internal emotions have been fairly all over the place since I arrived, so I avoided blogging for fear of moaning. In truth, nothing is wrong, per se, but I am a bag of anxieties. As I get further into the semester things are getting better and my paranoias are easing off. But for a while there, I was paranoid, and that’s usually not my style, so the experience was pretty damn disturbing.

This is my Fall Semester schedule; I’m taking a Final Cut Pro technical class, a Visual Semiotics class which I am the teaching assistant for, a class called Narrative Withdrawal about video art and its relationship to film and finally, the world famous, possibly longest running class at CalArts, Post Studio Art with Michael Asher, aka the 8 hour crit. Fortunately it is not my turn in Post Studio until 14th November. I love it, it’s the hardest class I’ve ever done, and it is extremely brutal. Essentially I think that being the critee is rather like stripping yourself naked, pinning yourself to some kind of mast or cross and inviting an audience to ritually abuse you. Just a little observation, based on the faces of those being critiqued by the end of their session and their recovery time. Michael Asher is a sweet though, a real monk to art.



Ranch life has been fun, but it can feel rather like a gilded cage. Its true, you can pick a lot of food here, and it tastes nice, you can also go for walks, see nice views and go for freezing cold swims in an unheated pool. But our rented car, a Lexus, is really bad with fuel consumption and we just cannot justify round trips to LA for the evening, which leaves us rather stranded out here. Money, like the rest of the world, is going rather worse than expected.

However, DVD box sets of Poirot, Foyles War, Upstairs Downstairs, A Bit of Fry and Laurie and Monty Python betray our landlords Anglophilia. We are working our way through their DVD library; at the moment we are addicted to House (the accent may be American, but the timing is British).

I’m having lots of meetings with faculty in my studio; most very positive (notably, not all). Ashley Hunt is a visiting teacher and very charming, with an ability to get right to the heart of the work. Carla Herrera-Prats pushes, and keeps on pushing. Lesley Dick is unreservedly wonderful, as is Christine Wertheim whose all-inclusive vision of feminism is wonderfully provocative, warm and funny – she is my current cheerleader. I regret not doing an Independent Study with Kaucyila Brook, with whom I can talk black and white movies to infinity, and whose relationship to Queer Theory means she brings a greater understanding of female desire and how that is hidden from view in society to our discussions, which are animated, warm and fuelled by pots of tea.

Mary Kelly is organising a happening in Orange County, I had signed up to be a participant in May and was very excited about the opportunity having seen Mary talk last semester. On Sunday, I didn’t know anyone I could share a ride with, and I could not justify the 220 mile round trip expense, so I did not take part. I was gutted not to take part. Each week another opening, talk or happening that I want to go to takes place and I do not go as it is too far away, too expensive and feels too mean to leave husband stranded again on the ranch. We need to rethink our living arrangements for next semester.

Not all is doom and gloom. Our silver lining has been getting to know Gorado, our next door neighbour and ranch foreman. A friendly Mexican whose rushed, clipped English would be fluent if he could relax whilst he spoke. Gorado wins our respect for being the realest cowboy we have ever gotten to know. He wears a straw cowboy hat, boots (with wear and tear signs from spurs on them) and jeans at all times. He loves horses and has been know to ride down to a local restaurant and tether his horse outside while he ate. A couple of weeks ago it was his daughters ‘Baptisto’ party (Christening). He and his family friends cleaned out the barn, brought in tables and chairs and lavender and white balloons, a heart sculpture made of balloons, cakes, crates of Bud Light and lots of Mexican food. A family friend made some kind of a roasted pork dish by cooking it overnight on a fire outside – either on a spit or in a pot, we couldn’t quite work it out. Food was served at 4pm, a band started playing at 9pm and the party finished sometime not long after midnight. We stayed until the end with time-out breaks in between. We tried to imitate Mexican dancing (rather badly, but it was well received). We had great fun at the party and we were praised for being the only white people to stay after the band arrived. It was such a spectacle to see the little boys dressed as cowboys and the men dressed in their best suits with cowboy trimmings – rather like a Mexican Mafia look, mixed with other more urban hip-hop Mexican styles. We were amongst the most under-dressed, but we made up for that with our ability to party.

Finally, I love cuddling Lily, the springer spaniel, who reminds me so much of the dogs we had as I was growing up. I'm back doing CAP classes, this time on Monday evenings not Saturdays which works out better.

I'm feeling good

I went to bed at 3am last Thursday, rather worse for wear. Its the first time I've been drunk since New Year's Eve. I had a lot of fun, I found myself dancing to vintage hip-hop and house in a tiny art studio in the annex, with lots of lovely art people. Alexis was there, she was a bit drunker than I thought as the next day she did not stop throwing up until 3pm. I was there, in turquoise sparkly dress and with bunch of flowers in hand - it was my show opening and the culmination of a 2 year project. I deserved a drink.



The show was entitled 'Wish You Were Here, Real Photographs, Series of 9'. The project hinges on my recreation of 10 photographs that I bought at a car boot sale, however despite being 1 photograph down (due to not being able to find some burlesque fans I could borrow - I have an interesting story involving Craigslist that I'll leave til next time), I felt like I had completed the work. Much more than before. I feel I have researched and read around the subject so much more extensively, that my printing, hanging and titling really brought it together and said what I wanted it to say. I want to go on to do some more experimental (dumb) stuff, that I won't get so invested in. Not that I think its bad to get heavily invested in your work, but I need a break. Interestingly, I feel at this stage, I really occupy the role of the photographer in this work. As my technical incompetences get ironed out, I really need to drop my defensive 'I am not a photographer, I am a photo-theorist' line. Not that I am not a photo-theorist any longer, but I am starting to be disingenuous.

My reception went fine/great. A lot of people like my work, even outside the art school. However, I find that I am resistant to some of that love because not all reads of my work I am comfortable with. Some people love that I can actually print 20" X 24" black & white fibre based prints (but really if you spend 6 hours on each print anyone can produce good results). I am not comfortable with this point of view as I feel I need to do what I have to do for that work, I am not insisting on a kind of craftsmanship in a political way. I am absolutely comfortable with presenting slap-dash work where a project calls for that approach. Others see a beauty and glamour in my work which I feel I am only borrowing codes from, not full-on subscribing to. The contents of my photographs (subject I mean) is incredibly DIY and thats important. Nor am I putting forward an ideal beauty. I had my yearly review and Grad Crit last week too - both in my show. In Grad Crit someone in my class who had serious problems with my work told in and out of class that she thought I was really successful in my resolutions of the project. This meant an awful lot to me and her approval was something I never imagined I would gain after some of the discussions last semester, so her comments moved me a great deal. She said that the weight I have gained helped to clarify the work and my insistence on continuing the work was a very strong element in the work. My teacher talked about how subversive it was of me to approach the male gaze with such a joyful light-hearted touch.

I'm glad my labour paid off. Like I said before, each print took 6 hours and due to a power cut and starting my Saturday teaching assistant post for CAP a week earlier than I thought, I was so pushed for time that I was in the darkoom from 9am-2am for 4 days with other slightly shorter stints. I shot 3 new photographs for the project at CalArts and those photos bring a lot of clarity to the whole thing (I think). Alexis helped me a lot (along with 2 other women on my course) and her loyalty and support really touched me. I have to say, that Alexis is a huge part of support network here I would have a lot less fun if she was not my friend. But she is, and I am very very thankful for her.

Another pivotal moment for me last week, Leslie Dick came to see me to talk about my show and hugged me when she came in the room. I am taking a class with her entitled 'Conversations with Dead People: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sex, Death and the End of the World', and Leslie is grateful that I am in the class because of my comments. She came in the room and said, 'You're so articulate! I'm so glad your in the class! I must give you a hug!' That was a real high point, as I love Leslie dearly. Amongst other things, she reminds me of my late mother. But less emotively speaking, her brain is as sharp as a tack and her wit is utterly British (years spent in London have left their mark).

I'm enjoying all my classes, a mixture of critique and discussion, lecture and technique are represented in my timetable, which I took more care in composing. I'm doing:
Advanced Studio Lighting with Joe Schmelzer (an adjunct, commercial photographer and CalArts grad) www.joeschmelzer.com
Direct to Print, how to process RAW images, edit, file, store and print work with Shari Bond
Buffy (see above)
Fuzzy Pictures with the very lovely Ellen Birrell who I am also desperate to hug (its a strange thing, the teachers here are so like parents in terms of age and extensive knowledge and experience that I find myself really wanting to hug them, is that weird?), which looks at the theories of Batchen, Barthes, Krauss and others and applies their ideas to actual artwork, artists out there and ours, its a lot of fun,
Let's Twist Again, Performance and Documentation with Carola Dertnig, a visiting artist from Vienna, another great class
Grad Crit with Natalie Bookchin, who I love, who makes us sit in a circle and speak in turn - first time descriptive comments, second time round with our read of the work. It sounds remedial but works amazingly well,
History of Photography with Allan Sekula, which bares very little resemblance to any other History of Photography. It is really Allan discussing the contexts of photography and showing various images which he dissects for us. A familiarity with his writing is really essential as it is very hard to follow his thoughts, as his goes on so many tangents. However, he is so smart and I love the class.
View Camera - this class starts in a couple of weeks so I will tell you more about that in time.

I'm feeling really comfortable here now and I am forming strong friendships with some lovely interesting people. I'm having fun! Keeping in touch with husband seems easier since his visit. Time is racing so fast that it really isn't long now before I'm home for the summer.

On to new work now, I feel I've tied up my loose ends. I'm off to go watch some Buffy - for class I am endevouring to watch the entire thing - I'm half way through Season 2.