And that's it.
I finished. At 10.30pm precisely, tonight, I finished watching every single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was crying my eyes out. I watched the last episode again with Joss Whedon's commentary. You may think that I am just vulnerable to the syrup and simplicity of children's television, but I would argue with you there. The emotional themes of the show and the honesty in the writing and producing of it made it truly amazing; outstanding. The ongoing theme was really the experience of being an individual, having to take on life and face your battles alone. But, paradoxically, also as part of a group, a small, tight group with strengths and weaknesses but a group nevertheless. Spike was/is amazing. He basically saves the world by causing the Hellmouth to implode and destroying Sunnydale in the process. I commit very easily to things which partly explains my determination to complete watching all of the shows, but there are deeper reasons why Buffy won my heart. The small class has been a great place for me to really work through psychoanalytic readings of conventional Hollywood, Freud's ideas on the dichotomy women are faced with, creating resistance and subversion within the male gaze and growing in personal confidence with developing my own ideas and vocalising them in class. There were no photo MFA students in the class - mainly art and film students and evenly split between grad and undergrad students, which gave me a break from my usual set of peers. Its given me the opportunity to understand why I am here, 5000 miles away from home, following my vocation, alone, but part of a network of close friends supporting me and keeping me on track. I have been able to meditate on the purpose of life. I went to breakfast this morning with Dana - we went to a diner and and ate pancakes - and Dana was telling me all about being confused by the variations in the guidance she receives on a daily basis from her mum and dad and I realised then that I do not have that, an adviser, like that. But then I watched Buffy and I understood my situation a little better. I do not need an adviser because I can interpret and learn through art what it is I do and how to do it. And finally, indulge me here with a syrupy moment of my own, I'll try to keep it brief. I found Buffy and Spike's relationship utterly plausible - a girl, with a vocation, though lost, treading water, wasting time and a boy, been doing the same thing for years, not going anywhere, repeating the same things without fulfilment and in the process of leaving behind old habits and without a game plan or seriously understanding the nature of their love, growing and evolving and becoming better versions of themselves because of that love. I'm sorry reader, but I identify.
I've had a long day - after breakfast I went to the Fuzzy Pictures class show installation and put up my piece. It is a piece of text that I have printed very large and laminated it so that it is shiny like a photograph. The text stands in for a photograph and allows a meditation on representation. I wanted the text to operate the way I speak in class - which can be quite lucid and articulate, which is disappointingly not usually mirrored in my writing. So I invited the other class members to email their definition of 'Fuzzy Pictures' and suggest to me an example of a fuzzy picture. I'll post my text piece here so you can have a read of it.
After that I took part in a re-do of Allan Kaprow's happening 'Publicity', which was organised by CalArts students working with David Bunn and MOCA who are doing a retrospective of Kaprow at the moment. The whole thing was thoroughly enjoyable and really unique. A bunch of us went at Vasquez Rocks - which has been used by Star Trek - and wearing hard hats, erected any kind of temporary structure out of string and wood and debris, whilst 4 people videoed the action and others used loud speakers to call to each other. It was a strange kind of way to understand how Kaprow's happenings work, maybe he would or woudn't approve. But you know what? I enjoyed it.
On Friday I went to Miller Updegraff's house. He and his wife hosted a rather lovely dinner party with a great group of people. There was only one other current MFA student there, in the mix where an animator/tv person who works on South Park, the curator of the Hammer Museum, a theatre writer/director & reviewer for the LA Weekly, 2 CalArts faculty, a woman who is one of the 17 assistants for Mike Kelly, Taryn the admissions director for the art school and lil ol' me. I was quite nervous about the evening and thought I might be out of my depth, but I really had a great time.
Last week the visiting artist was Mary Kelly who I found very interesting and I really liked her and her work and the week before I went to a film evening with Carolee Schneeman. It's been so lovely to get the opportunity to see these women in the flesh and hear them talk about their work. Although Carolee's latest video piece consists of photographs she takes daily of her being woken up by her cat licking her on her open mouth first thing in the morning, which I'm sorry to say, I found gross.
The other week an art MFA2 student, Nate Page, removed all the posters from the school (which is against school policy) and turned them into a giant piece of artwork on the far wall of the main gallery. I did not see the piece itself but I hear it was quite beautiful and extended all the way up to the high ceiling. As a violation of school policy Facilities removed the piece and re-stuck the posters around the campus. That evening, Aaron Wrinkle did a sort of protest performance in defence of Nate, which was really thought provoking, all about bringing back the radical spirit to CalArts. Arguably, CalArts is less radical than it has been in the past, but what I am interested by, is that we, the students, are encouraged to think of this place as ours, and to do with it what we want. We make the place. And that is true here, more than any other place I have experienced. And I love it.
I have 11 days before I come home to Sheffield for the summer. And that's it.
*taken from the lyrics of F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown
Showing posts with label Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Show all posts
Monday, 5 May 2008
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Bite Me
Me and Husband celebrated one year of marriage yesterday! Albeit in separate countries. Fish and chips is a special meal for us so when we had our respective teas (dinners - I miss saying the word tea, sorry to non-Northerners there!) we had fish and chips. That was the plan. There's a British restaurant called The Rose & Crown in a mini shopping precinct on a street round the corner that I went to with Alexis and Sidonie - a really nice MFA2 Photo student from Paris. It was shut. Its shut on Mondays. Using her quick thinking Alexis called up BJs, a Chicago diner chain to find out if they served the important dish - they did - we ate it - and had a big brownie pudding thing afterwards too for good measure. It was not exactly authentic, but nice. The chips were coated in savoury seasonings and the fish batter was a bit too heavy - a bit like a pancake batter, not light and crispy enough. Husband had has fish and chips at home, and his mum made it healthy with a jacket potato. This places added importance on our first fish and chip shop take away complete with mushy peas, when I get home in 5 weeks. Funnily enough, Sidonie, the Parisian was very interested to hear about mushy peas and wants me to make some here. Can you believe that? It took me a while to get my head around that.
Other good news. I got a Calarts scholarship for next year - they are giving me $12,000 for the year. This is an unusually high figure for a grad student. So I feel very lucky. I still need to do much fund raising and need to earn a lot of money over the summer.
Today I gave a presentation in Buffy class. I worked really hard on it. My feeling is, I can unpick film, photography and television and by having something to say on them, I am admitted to higher, more learned debates (without having to do all that reading. I'm not so good at reading). So I pushed myself, I wanted to see how far I could take my ideas. My presentation was basically delivering a formal paper - just me speaking - a personal perspective on watching way too much Buffy. I entitled it 'Christianity, Rape, Heroin Addiction, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Tea and The British Class System: A Personal Decoding of Buffy'. If that really tickles your fancy, email me and I can forward you my notes. Leslie came up to me afterwards to tell me that she really enjoyed it and that she overheard many of the others in the class saying how much they enjoyed it too. She really liked what my brain did with it, she said. In particular, she liked an observation I made. I noticed in Pangs, Season 4, Episode 8, when the Initiative plants a chip in Spike’s head and he tries to bite Willow, the scene is played as a farce and Willow expresses her sadness at not being very bite worthy. Spike reassures her by saying “Don’t be ridiculous, I’d bite you in a heart beat” and “If I could, I would”. The following episode, Something Blue, Season 4, Episode 9, Spike’s inability to bite is referred to by calling him “impotent” and “flaccid”. Instead he must drink blood through a straw in mug. The mug has written on it: “Kiss the Librarian” – its as if all he can do now is kiss. And here's my big observation that Leslie liked: its as if male vampires can experience impotency in two ways. The penis is doubled in the teeth. The wet mouth that house the teeth is a symbolic doubling of the vagina. This means that a vampire’s mouth is constantly a symbol for penetrative sex! Leslie told me that in psychoanalysis we can go off and view the world symbolically, and then return to normality, but bringing back a little bit of experience. The same arc that happens each Buffy episode, we wander off into fantasy but return to our starting position by the end of the episode - a little bit wiser. As previously mentioned, I adore Leslie, so this all made me feel very pleased with myself.
Other good news. I got a Calarts scholarship for next year - they are giving me $12,000 for the year. This is an unusually high figure for a grad student. So I feel very lucky. I still need to do much fund raising and need to earn a lot of money over the summer.
Today I gave a presentation in Buffy class. I worked really hard on it. My feeling is, I can unpick film, photography and television and by having something to say on them, I am admitted to higher, more learned debates (without having to do all that reading. I'm not so good at reading). So I pushed myself, I wanted to see how far I could take my ideas. My presentation was basically delivering a formal paper - just me speaking - a personal perspective on watching way too much Buffy. I entitled it 'Christianity, Rape, Heroin Addiction, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Tea and The British Class System: A Personal Decoding of Buffy'. If that really tickles your fancy, email me and I can forward you my notes. Leslie came up to me afterwards to tell me that she really enjoyed it and that she overheard many of the others in the class saying how much they enjoyed it too. She really liked what my brain did with it, she said. In particular, she liked an observation I made. I noticed in Pangs, Season 4, Episode 8, when the Initiative plants a chip in Spike’s head and he tries to bite Willow, the scene is played as a farce and Willow expresses her sadness at not being very bite worthy. Spike reassures her by saying “Don’t be ridiculous, I’d bite you in a heart beat” and “If I could, I would”. The following episode, Something Blue, Season 4, Episode 9, Spike’s inability to bite is referred to by calling him “impotent” and “flaccid”. Instead he must drink blood through a straw in mug. The mug has written on it: “Kiss the Librarian” – its as if all he can do now is kiss. And here's my big observation that Leslie liked: its as if male vampires can experience impotency in two ways. The penis is doubled in the teeth. The wet mouth that house the teeth is a symbolic doubling of the vagina. This means that a vampire’s mouth is constantly a symbol for penetrative sex! Leslie told me that in psychoanalysis we can go off and view the world symbolically, and then return to normality, but bringing back a little bit of experience. The same arc that happens each Buffy episode, we wander off into fantasy but return to our starting position by the end of the episode - a little bit wiser. As previously mentioned, I adore Leslie, so this all made me feel very pleased with myself.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
I'm feeling good
I went to bed at 3am last Thursday, rather worse for wear. Its the first time I've been drunk since New Year's Eve. I had a lot of fun, I found myself dancing to vintage hip-hop and house in a tiny art studio in the annex, with lots of lovely art people. Alexis was there, she was a bit drunker than I thought as the next day she did not stop throwing up until 3pm. I was there, in turquoise sparkly dress and with bunch of flowers in hand - it was my show opening and the culmination of a 2 year project. I deserved a drink.
The show was entitled 'Wish You Were Here, Real Photographs, Series of 9'. The project hinges on my recreation of 10 photographs that I bought at a car boot sale, however despite being 1 photograph down (due to not being able to find some burlesque fans I could borrow - I have an interesting story involving Craigslist that I'll leave til next time), I felt like I had completed the work. Much more than before. I feel I have researched and read around the subject so much more extensively, that my printing, hanging and titling really brought it together and said what I wanted it to say. I want to go on to do some more experimental (dumb) stuff, that I won't get so invested in. Not that I think its bad to get heavily invested in your work, but I need a break. Interestingly, I feel at this stage, I really occupy the role of the photographer in this work. As my technical incompetences get ironed out, I really need to drop my defensive 'I am not a photographer, I am a photo-theorist' line. Not that I am not a photo-theorist any longer, but I am starting to be disingenuous.
My reception went fine/great. A lot of people like my work, even outside the art school. However, I find that I am resistant to some of that love because not all reads of my work I am comfortable with. Some people love that I can actually print 20" X 24" black & white fibre based prints (but really if you spend 6 hours on each print anyone can produce good results). I am not comfortable with this point of view as I feel I need to do what I have to do for that work, I am not insisting on a kind of craftsmanship in a political way. I am absolutely comfortable with presenting slap-dash work where a project calls for that approach. Others see a beauty and glamour in my work which I feel I am only borrowing codes from, not full-on subscribing to. The contents of my photographs (subject I mean) is incredibly DIY and thats important. Nor am I putting forward an ideal beauty. I had my yearly review and Grad Crit last week too - both in my show. In Grad Crit someone in my class who had serious problems with my work told in and out of class that she thought I was really successful in my resolutions of the project. This meant an awful lot to me and her approval was something I never imagined I would gain after some of the discussions last semester, so her comments moved me a great deal. She said that the weight I have gained helped to clarify the work and my insistence on continuing the work was a very strong element in the work. My teacher talked about how subversive it was of me to approach the male gaze with such a joyful light-hearted touch.
I'm glad my labour paid off. Like I said before, each print took 6 hours and due to a power cut and starting my Saturday teaching assistant post for CAP a week earlier than I thought, I was so pushed for time that I was in the darkoom from 9am-2am for 4 days with other slightly shorter stints. I shot 3 new photographs for the project at CalArts and those photos bring a lot of clarity to the whole thing (I think). Alexis helped me a lot (along with 2 other women on my course) and her loyalty and support really touched me. I have to say, that Alexis is a huge part of support network here I would have a lot less fun if she was not my friend. But she is, and I am very very thankful for her.
Another pivotal moment for me last week, Leslie Dick came to see me to talk about my show and hugged me when she came in the room. I am taking a class with her entitled 'Conversations with Dead People: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sex, Death and the End of the World', and Leslie is grateful that I am in the class because of my comments. She came in the room and said, 'You're so articulate! I'm so glad your in the class! I must give you a hug!' That was a real high point, as I love Leslie dearly. Amongst other things, she reminds me of my late mother. But less emotively speaking, her brain is as sharp as a tack and her wit is utterly British (years spent in London have left their mark).
I'm enjoying all my classes, a mixture of critique and discussion, lecture and technique are represented in my timetable, which I took more care in composing. I'm doing:
Advanced Studio Lighting with Joe Schmelzer (an adjunct, commercial photographer and CalArts grad) www.joeschmelzer.com
Direct to Print, how to process RAW images, edit, file, store and print work with Shari Bond
Buffy (see above)
Fuzzy Pictures with the very lovely Ellen Birrell who I am also desperate to hug (its a strange thing, the teachers here are so like parents in terms of age and extensive knowledge and experience that I find myself really wanting to hug them, is that weird?), which looks at the theories of Batchen, Barthes, Krauss and others and applies their ideas to actual artwork, artists out there and ours, its a lot of fun,
Let's Twist Again, Performance and Documentation with Carola Dertnig, a visiting artist from Vienna, another great class
Grad Crit with Natalie Bookchin, who I love, who makes us sit in a circle and speak in turn - first time descriptive comments, second time round with our read of the work. It sounds remedial but works amazingly well,
History of Photography with Allan Sekula, which bares very little resemblance to any other History of Photography. It is really Allan discussing the contexts of photography and showing various images which he dissects for us. A familiarity with his writing is really essential as it is very hard to follow his thoughts, as his goes on so many tangents. However, he is so smart and I love the class.
View Camera - this class starts in a couple of weeks so I will tell you more about that in time.
I'm feeling really comfortable here now and I am forming strong friendships with some lovely interesting people. I'm having fun! Keeping in touch with husband seems easier since his visit. Time is racing so fast that it really isn't long now before I'm home for the summer.
On to new work now, I feel I've tied up my loose ends. I'm off to go watch some Buffy - for class I am endevouring to watch the entire thing - I'm half way through Season 2.
The show was entitled 'Wish You Were Here, Real Photographs, Series of 9'. The project hinges on my recreation of 10 photographs that I bought at a car boot sale, however despite being 1 photograph down (due to not being able to find some burlesque fans I could borrow - I have an interesting story involving Craigslist that I'll leave til next time), I felt like I had completed the work. Much more than before. I feel I have researched and read around the subject so much more extensively, that my printing, hanging and titling really brought it together and said what I wanted it to say. I want to go on to do some more experimental (dumb) stuff, that I won't get so invested in. Not that I think its bad to get heavily invested in your work, but I need a break. Interestingly, I feel at this stage, I really occupy the role of the photographer in this work. As my technical incompetences get ironed out, I really need to drop my defensive 'I am not a photographer, I am a photo-theorist' line. Not that I am not a photo-theorist any longer, but I am starting to be disingenuous.
My reception went fine/great. A lot of people like my work, even outside the art school. However, I find that I am resistant to some of that love because not all reads of my work I am comfortable with. Some people love that I can actually print 20" X 24" black & white fibre based prints (but really if you spend 6 hours on each print anyone can produce good results). I am not comfortable with this point of view as I feel I need to do what I have to do for that work, I am not insisting on a kind of craftsmanship in a political way. I am absolutely comfortable with presenting slap-dash work where a project calls for that approach. Others see a beauty and glamour in my work which I feel I am only borrowing codes from, not full-on subscribing to. The contents of my photographs (subject I mean) is incredibly DIY and thats important. Nor am I putting forward an ideal beauty. I had my yearly review and Grad Crit last week too - both in my show. In Grad Crit someone in my class who had serious problems with my work told in and out of class that she thought I was really successful in my resolutions of the project. This meant an awful lot to me and her approval was something I never imagined I would gain after some of the discussions last semester, so her comments moved me a great deal. She said that the weight I have gained helped to clarify the work and my insistence on continuing the work was a very strong element in the work. My teacher talked about how subversive it was of me to approach the male gaze with such a joyful light-hearted touch.
I'm glad my labour paid off. Like I said before, each print took 6 hours and due to a power cut and starting my Saturday teaching assistant post for CAP a week earlier than I thought, I was so pushed for time that I was in the darkoom from 9am-2am for 4 days with other slightly shorter stints. I shot 3 new photographs for the project at CalArts and those photos bring a lot of clarity to the whole thing (I think). Alexis helped me a lot (along with 2 other women on my course) and her loyalty and support really touched me. I have to say, that Alexis is a huge part of support network here I would have a lot less fun if she was not my friend. But she is, and I am very very thankful for her.
Another pivotal moment for me last week, Leslie Dick came to see me to talk about my show and hugged me when she came in the room. I am taking a class with her entitled 'Conversations with Dead People: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sex, Death and the End of the World', and Leslie is grateful that I am in the class because of my comments. She came in the room and said, 'You're so articulate! I'm so glad your in the class! I must give you a hug!' That was a real high point, as I love Leslie dearly. Amongst other things, she reminds me of my late mother. But less emotively speaking, her brain is as sharp as a tack and her wit is utterly British (years spent in London have left their mark).
I'm enjoying all my classes, a mixture of critique and discussion, lecture and technique are represented in my timetable, which I took more care in composing. I'm doing:
Advanced Studio Lighting with Joe Schmelzer (an adjunct, commercial photographer and CalArts grad) www.joeschmelzer.com
Direct to Print, how to process RAW images, edit, file, store and print work with Shari Bond
Buffy (see above)
Fuzzy Pictures with the very lovely Ellen Birrell who I am also desperate to hug (its a strange thing, the teachers here are so like parents in terms of age and extensive knowledge and experience that I find myself really wanting to hug them, is that weird?), which looks at the theories of Batchen, Barthes, Krauss and others and applies their ideas to actual artwork, artists out there and ours, its a lot of fun,
Let's Twist Again, Performance and Documentation with Carola Dertnig, a visiting artist from Vienna, another great class
Grad Crit with Natalie Bookchin, who I love, who makes us sit in a circle and speak in turn - first time descriptive comments, second time round with our read of the work. It sounds remedial but works amazingly well,
History of Photography with Allan Sekula, which bares very little resemblance to any other History of Photography. It is really Allan discussing the contexts of photography and showing various images which he dissects for us. A familiarity with his writing is really essential as it is very hard to follow his thoughts, as his goes on so many tangents. However, he is so smart and I love the class.
View Camera - this class starts in a couple of weeks so I will tell you more about that in time.
I'm feeling really comfortable here now and I am forming strong friendships with some lovely interesting people. I'm having fun! Keeping in touch with husband seems easier since his visit. Time is racing so fast that it really isn't long now before I'm home for the summer.
On to new work now, I feel I've tied up my loose ends. I'm off to go watch some Buffy - for class I am endevouring to watch the entire thing - I'm half way through Season 2.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
